I’m desperate to go back to work but my husband wants me to be a stay at home mum’

A couple have come to a bitter dispute after a new mum decided she would like to go back to work part time after giving birth, but her husband refuses

Everyone has different ideas about how they want parenthood to be. Some want to be doting stay at home parents and spend every minute with their children, while others are eager to retain their independence and career, even after having kids.

One woman had decided firmly on the idea of becoming a stay at home mum, after being encouraged by her husband, who grew up having his mum take care of the home while his dad went out to work; something which he desperately wanted out of his own relationship.

After falling pregnant with their first child together, the woman said her husband reluctantly agreed she could continue working throughout her pregnancy, given that she’s already working from home, and that she would stay employed for her six weeks of paid maternity leave, then quit.

The 25-year-old mum gave birth to her daughter in October, and two weeks before her six weeks of paid leave was up, she handed in her notice at her job.

“My boss didn’t want me to leave and offered me an amazing job. I’d work part time only two or three days rotating each week,” she wrote on Reddit’s AITA forum.

“On top of this I’d only have to go in a couple times a month if needed and would still get partial benefits and a decent pay. I was over the moon, I felt like getting back to work would make me feel more myself.”

However, when the mum told her husband, 30, about the offer, he was not happy and told her it would be unfair for her to accept the job as she had already agreed to be a stay at home mum when she fell pregnant. He also accused her of “abandoning” their daughter and asked her, “why aren’t we good enough for you?”

“I genuinely thought being a stay at home mum was what I wanted but honestly it’s been awful. My husband works in law and has long hours, leaving me alone to handle everything around the house on top of a baby,” she wrote.

“I felt isolated and overwhelmed and felt like I’d lost my identity. I love being a mum and I love my daughter but after she’s done eating, changing a diaper etc all she does is sleep. I know that that’s what she’s supposed to do at that age but spending hours alone was hard on me.”

The mum tried to express how she was feeling to her husband but he was very upset and told her that “he never would’ve married me if he knew I didn’t want to raise our child,” before leaving to go to his friend’s house.

“He came back two days later and only talks to me when its baby related. Its been like this for nearly two weeks and I know that I agreed to this years ago but am I in the wrong for changing my mind?” she asked.

“My mother-in-law and sister-in-law told me raising a family was the most important job I had and that it would ruin our family if I didn’t.”

One Reddit user responded: “Wait, so he lectures you about abandoning your kid and hammers the point by abandoning both of you to go to his friend’s house? You may as well leave this guy. You’re already doing the single parent thing – this way you can do it without an a**hole berating you.”

“This is your life and your decision. Your husband doesn’t get final say over something that affects you far more than him. I suspect he wanted the family but also wanted someone else to do 100 percent of the work for him so his life would not change at all. He can play weekend dad. And you can be saddled with all the sleep deprivation, loss of your identity, loss of your freedom, loss of your career, depressing isolation etc,” another added.

“You being a stay at home mum is for his benefit mostly. Children don’t need stay at home parents. Plenty of us were raised with extended family babysitting and summer camp and we not only turned out just fine but also had awesome childhoods full of socialising with other children and fun experiences with other adults.”